When They Say Goodbye

She put her little arms around my neck and tried unsuccessfully to blink back tears.  I held her for a second and in my own choked voice repeated the words I have said so many times, "Never forget how much God loves you.  He will do anything to show you that love."  And then we exchanged our good-byes and I walked out to my van and burst into tears.

Oklahoma.  That's where she's going.  Her dad is going to be the director of discipleship at a church.  So she and her sister and her mom (expecting another sister) are moving away and my time with her in our childcare area is over.  It never occurred to me until tonight just how difficult this job could be.  It's not the long hours of childcare, the lesson planning or last minute needs for extra staff, or even the moments where you wonder if you are even getting through.  No, the hardest part is when a child that you have spent weeks sharing the amazing story of the gospel has to say good-bye and move on to the next part of her life.  And this will happen often in this new job.  The transitory atmosphere of an institution of higher learning guarantees this.

And yet, isn't that exactly what we are called to do?  When Jesus came into the world, He was here for a short time and He was in ministry for an even shorter time.  It was transitory.  He poured out into others and then He sent them out.  He expected them to go.  How many goodbyes did He experience I wonder?  What about Paul?  How many times did he teach, share, and pour into and then, it was time to say goodbye?  

When I moved away from CBIC, my heart hurt as I hugged the kids of ARISE and said goodbye to each of them. But I knew where they were "going".  I knew who was taking over and I knew she and the whole ARISE staff loved them and would pour God's love into each one of their hearts.  When I left, I left with confidence that those kids had been left in great hands.  But the kids of ATS?  They are just... going.  I don't know the next person who will hold their hands.  All I can do is hope that in the brief time I had to share with them God's amazing plan of love and salvation for their lives, it found a place to land deep in their heart and that they will never forget it... ever.

I cried the whole way home.  I sat in my van and prayed.  And I said goodbye to the first of many.   This weekend at the Simply Youth Ministry conference we heard story after story about transformation.  Most stories started with one person - one person who was willing to pour God's love into growing hearts, hurting hearts, and broken hearts.  Transformation doesn't happen in a moment.  It happens over time.  Since Luke and I plan to go into full-time ministry following seminary, I think this pattern of "pouring into" and "sending out" will happen more frequently than not.  At least I hope so because I'm pretty sure that was the model Christ pictured for us in the Word.  We may not see the whole transformation, but we can play a part in the process.

That being said, I love my job.  I love the opportunity I have been given to pour.  But tonight, as I hugged this little girl one last time, my heart was raw.  I have given a small part of that heart to her and to every other kid I've had the chance to love on.  My hope is that by the end of this life I've been given, my heart will have been distributed to many children, many young adults, many companions and friends and I will be poured out.  Humbled by the prospect, blessed to be used.