Course Corrects, Scooterwashes, and Spring Break days

Spring Break - Day 1 - The "Scooter" Wash
I don't know how your kids play, but my girls are "big idea" players.  They aren't content to just ride bikes around the neighborhood or enjoy a book under the sun.  They like to go big with everything they do. Lunch can't just be lunch; it has to be a full-on picnic complete with basket, blanket and beverages.  A walk isn't just a walk; it's a race to see who can make it the most times around the single-housing units before mom gets to the end of the walkway.  And an afternoon playing in the back yard
can't just be that; nope, its a time for imagination and invention this time resulting in a "scooter" wash that they advertised throughout the neighborhood and proceeded to lead a group of children and scooters through one at a time.  This was after Naomi "taught" a gymnastics class to some girls out front and Hannah "invented" a new game with Daddy's ratchet set.

As a mom, I love to see them using their imagination and living life in a big way.  And as a mom I am also at times dismayed by the ensuing mess their imagination leaves in its wake.  I want them to be free to explore the world and enjoy their days but at the same time I also want them to be safe and responsible.

I couldn't help but think this afternoon as the kids paraded through my now soggy back yard how God must look at us sometimes and ponder us in much the same way.  We come up with some pretty big ideas and schemes about how our life is going to play out and things are going to run down.  Sometimes, in our zeal to live life to the fullest, we invent outcomes we want to see happen and then pursue them doggedly without regard to our best interests or, even more telling, to God's plans for us.  And then I smile as I look back and see the way God has allowed things to happen in our lives that leads to the "course correct" and we re-adjust our focus to His plan, rather than ours.

One of our biggest course corrects was Caleb.  If he had not come along, it would be very unlikely that we would be where we are today, especially me in terms of looking to go into full-time ministry.  I was going to teach, Luke was going to work at Target until he finished his degree. Then he was going to go part-time so he could work on his MDiv online and I was going to work full-time at the same school as the girls went to.  It was going to be perfect.  Insert course correct.

It wasn't that God wanted to "ruin" our grand plans, as the girls like to accuse me of whenever I reign in their plans a bit.  It wasn't that God wanted to temper our zeal for life, as I sometimes think my kids view me as doing.  Rather, God was seeing the big picture.  He could see what was "good and perfect" not just "okay and doable."  I mean, sure we could have continued on that path and God could still have used us and we could have had a good life.  But I'm fairly certain we would have missed out on some really amazing blessings that God had for us by walking this other path.

We have some dear friends who are right in the middle of a "course correct" right now.  He is currently studying his Phd.  She just got a full-time job as a nurse which she has been looking for since they moved here.  They were finally in a routine with their babysitter for their two sons and their schedule as parents.  A few weeks ago, they found out they were unexpectedly pregnant.  A few days ago, they found out it was twins.  

But I love their announcement on facebook, an acknowledgement that, yes, they had a plan but yes, God has a better one.

Ben and Amy Snyder's Baby Announcement, Due October 9

We've had more than one "course correct" in our family.  As I look back, I can see that in each one, God really did have a plan up His sleeve.  His love blocked some paths we wanted to take and led us down ones we were afraid to travel.  But at the end of the day, I have peace in my heart and joy in my life and I choose to believe that those moments where He loved us enough to say, "This is the way, walk in it" have lead to those feelings.

The girls are cleaning up their invention now.  A part of me wants to rejoice that it's getting cleaned up out there and a part of me is nervous at what their next great plan will be and a part of me is happy to know they will go to bed tonight with some sense of accomplishment and joy at a completed task.  One day I'll figure out how to make their chores as exciting as their imaginations.  But for now, I will watch over them, listen to them, "course correct" as needed and enjoy watching them live life... just like My Father does for me.

Great Pleasure

I got to spend the morning with one of my very best friends.  This person loves me and I don't just mean in a "Wow, you're a great friend and I really appreciate you" way.  No this person pretty much dances every time I walk into a room.  Smiles and laughter, hugs and kisses await me every time I'm around.  There is no halfway.  Love is full-on, sloppy-wet, climbing-all-over, one hundred percent shown, given and received.  I got to spend the morning with my son.

We read books.  We slid slides.  We climbed ladders.  We built houses.  We ate lunch.  We watched Handy Manny.  We had an adventure in the jungle and made angels in the snow and built sand castles at the beach.  And then we snuggled until he fell asleep for nap on the floor of his room surrounded by pillows and blankets and crumbs and books and toys and ... love.

The last few weeks have been difficult for me.  I'm not sure why, but I have been  homesick, missing Pennsylvania and my friends and family there.  I even wrote a whole blog about it that I didn't publish because it was sad.  And truly, I am not sad.  We have all been very blessed during our time here thus far.  God has given us a place and a purpose here that has been fulfilling for each of us.

But as I said in my unpublished blog 

"even with the best of all possibilities, it is in the strangest of times that I find my heart aching for no other reason than that I miss "home." These past few weeks have been especially difficult in that regard. I'm not really sure why. I suspect that it has something to do with spring coming and the desire to take the kids to Norlo, or hike at Caledonia, or see our dogwood tree blossom and our tulips come up - to see spring creep into the mountains, first at the brush level and then onto the trees, to smell the dirt and see the purple rocks, to get free ice from Rita's and watch the newborn lambs jumping around at that farm on Mont Alto Road that I would pass on the way to school. To see "my' twins turn six years old or to simply be around my friends and family."

Not that I am doubting our decisions. We are exactly where we should be. Not that I am alone or unloved here in Kentucky. On the contrary, God has filled our hearts and home with friends and "family of the heart" that bless us daily. Not that I am walking around miserable and sad and looking all down-in-the-mouth. Most of my days are filled with joy and gratitude for the many blessings I experience.  And, today, as I spent my morning with my adoring son, I heard God speak so clearly to me that I could literally feel His peace flood my soul.

As Caleb descended the slide and joyfully came running to my arms and hugged my neck with all his little might, I heard God whisper, "That's how I love you."  That all-consuming, fully- and freely-given love is the kind of love God has... for me.  His face lights up when I enter His room.  He longs to hold me in His arms and spend time just being with me.  He misses me when my heart is elsewhere and He rejoices when I am with Him.

I was so blessed this morning by Caleb.  His friendship, his love, his obvious joy at being with me.  He was happy and that made me happy.  And God in His goodness, in His quiet way, opened my eyes to see that He wants to bless me with His love and His grace because, now get this... because the God of the Universe, the King of all Kings, the Most High God... is happy when I am happy.  Or as Paul put in in Ephesians 1:5 "God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ.  THAT is what He WANTED to do and it gave him GREAT PLEASURE."  Me being part of God's family like I am a part of Caleb's family.  It gives Him GREAT pleasure.. not little pleasure, GREAT pleasure to love me like that.  And that familiar peace and love is available under beautiful Kentucky skies as much as it is on the backwoods trails of Pennsylvania mountains.

I still miss my friends and family.  I still look forward to May when my eyes can drink in the familiar sights and views and my arms can hug the people I love.  But, as the Psalmist says, "My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress.  I will never be shaken" (Ps. 62:1,2)  I'm part of the family of God, a family that I am so blessed to share with you.  And, it brings God GREAT pleasure.  Go spend some time with Him and see that smile on His face just because, you are there.

This was written on the sidewalk outside of our home the other day.  And it is true.

Little Things

We've all heard the saying, "It's the little things" but lately that seems to be becoming a theme in my life.  It all started two weeks ago while I was listening to a Beth Moore video for a Bible study I was participating in.  She was talking about our relationship with God and she asked, "Do you small talk with God?"  She pointed out that when we are around our closest friends, we engage in the most mundane chatter.  I cannot tell you how many times I have had a friend over for a visit that lasted several hours to a whole day and Luke will come home and say, "So, what'd you talk about?"  My answer? "Oh nothing big really, you know, we just talked about... life."

What Beth Moore was trying to point out was that the more we talk to God and listen to God and form a relationship with God, the easier it will be for us to converse with God all the time, not just in the "big" things or when we are in a "spiritual" environment like church or bible study.  We'll end up chatting it up with God in the car, while we are jogging, during our chores, at our job and on our way to bed.  He'll become a friend, a constant companion, in addition to our Lord and Savior.

Little things.  The small details that make up our life and paint the picture of our existence. When I first started this blog, we had a lot of big things going on.  We were moving, selling our house, starting seminary, leaving behind the things we knew and loved and jumping into things that were new and at times frightening.  It was easy to blog about these things.  They were big, huge, shake-em-up changes that affected so much our world and family life.

But, as Pastor Mike at our Wilmore church shared the other Sunday, I am becoming more convinced that life is not characterized by these big decisions we make every so often, but the little decisions that shape our everyday lives.  At Simply Youth, Chap Clark, our workshop leader, challenged us to examine our everyday practices and ask "why" do we do the daily things we do.  More importantly, "why" do we treat others the way we do, interact with our family the way we do, and believe the things about God the way we do.   Because all of those little things, things like saying hi to someone or hugging your child or stopping to pray with your spouse; those very little things can have very big affects on our lives, our hearts, and our community.

I have had the chance to participate in a few little things recently that turned out to be "big" things in the kingdom of God.  My last blog shared the story of a little girl who was sad to leave our childcare facility because of the blessing she received there.  But that little girl was only with us 3 hours a week.  A little thing in the span of time.  A big impact on her little heart.

The other day I was chatting with a friend on facebook and she asked me to pray for her.  I was prompted to not only tell her I'd pray but to type out a prayer right then and there.  It was a little thing that brought her to tears and made her realize she was not alone; God used those words to speak right to her heart.  A little thing used by a big God.

My afternoons lately have been filled with little cups of coffee with friends, a few of which have turned into full-on sharing sessions with prayer and tears and love and laughter.  A quick cup of coffee turning into a 2-3 hour visit.  A little cup of joe leading to a big growth in our hearts.

A hug from a child who was mad at you a second ago - little hug, big forgiveness.  A kiss from your son who is trying to get your attention - little kiss, big reminder of priorities.  A short walk with your husband after dinner to reconnect and decompress - little time, big deposit in the "love" bank.  A missed phone call from a friend because you are in class - little effort on her part, big meaning that you are not there but you are not forgotten.

Do not underestimate the little things.  Without the little things, we don't have the framework to negotiate the big things.  Never think, "It's pointless to do that, it's such a little thing."  Little things hold more power than we know.  For what may be a little thing to us could be a great BIG answer to prayer to someone else.  The little things create the foundation on which we can build lives of love and faith and community.  And, in the same token, never assume a little insult, a little word of despair, a little negative attitude can't lead to big hurts and big needs.  Little things have big power. 

When you write a blog like this, one where I'm supposed to be sharing with you the Embree family journey of faith over these four years of seminary, it is tempting for me to want to only share with you the big things.  But the fact is, we live a life of little things.  We wake up, get ready for school, pray and eat and clean and play.. most of our day is little things.  Every now and then, we have a BIG moment but for the most part, we lead a quiet life.  But maybe that is the secret... all the little things that shape us, mold us, and bind us to each other.

Take some time today and think about the little things, the "small talk" things, the quiet things that make up your life.  And give thanks... because that's the BIG thing! Or, as one songwriter put it years ago, "Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings, see what God has done."

When They Say Goodbye

She put her little arms around my neck and tried unsuccessfully to blink back tears.  I held her for a second and in my own choked voice repeated the words I have said so many times, "Never forget how much God loves you.  He will do anything to show you that love."  And then we exchanged our good-byes and I walked out to my van and burst into tears.

Oklahoma.  That's where she's going.  Her dad is going to be the director of discipleship at a church.  So she and her sister and her mom (expecting another sister) are moving away and my time with her in our childcare area is over.  It never occurred to me until tonight just how difficult this job could be.  It's not the long hours of childcare, the lesson planning or last minute needs for extra staff, or even the moments where you wonder if you are even getting through.  No, the hardest part is when a child that you have spent weeks sharing the amazing story of the gospel has to say good-bye and move on to the next part of her life.  And this will happen often in this new job.  The transitory atmosphere of an institution of higher learning guarantees this.

And yet, isn't that exactly what we are called to do?  When Jesus came into the world, He was here for a short time and He was in ministry for an even shorter time.  It was transitory.  He poured out into others and then He sent them out.  He expected them to go.  How many goodbyes did He experience I wonder?  What about Paul?  How many times did he teach, share, and pour into and then, it was time to say goodbye?  

When I moved away from CBIC, my heart hurt as I hugged the kids of ARISE and said goodbye to each of them. But I knew where they were "going".  I knew who was taking over and I knew she and the whole ARISE staff loved them and would pour God's love into each one of their hearts.  When I left, I left with confidence that those kids had been left in great hands.  But the kids of ATS?  They are just... going.  I don't know the next person who will hold their hands.  All I can do is hope that in the brief time I had to share with them God's amazing plan of love and salvation for their lives, it found a place to land deep in their heart and that they will never forget it... ever.

I cried the whole way home.  I sat in my van and prayed.  And I said goodbye to the first of many.   This weekend at the Simply Youth Ministry conference we heard story after story about transformation.  Most stories started with one person - one person who was willing to pour God's love into growing hearts, hurting hearts, and broken hearts.  Transformation doesn't happen in a moment.  It happens over time.  Since Luke and I plan to go into full-time ministry following seminary, I think this pattern of "pouring into" and "sending out" will happen more frequently than not.  At least I hope so because I'm pretty sure that was the model Christ pictured for us in the Word.  We may not see the whole transformation, but we can play a part in the process.

That being said, I love my job.  I love the opportunity I have been given to pour.  But tonight, as I hugged this little girl one last time, my heart was raw.  I have given a small part of that heart to her and to every other kid I've had the chance to love on.  My hope is that by the end of this life I've been given, my heart will have been distributed to many children, many young adults, many companions and friends and I will be poured out.  Humbled by the prospect, blessed to be used.

One Year Ago...

One year ago.  Simply Youth 2013. Skit Guys and the Carbaughs.

I can hardly believe that it was one year ago that Luke first visited Asbury with his dad and the outlandish idea that perhaps God was calling us here crossed our mind.  It was one year ago that we attended Simply Youth Ministry Conference with AnnaMae, Debbie, Miriam and Donnie and God spoke directly into our lives through so many speakers, leaders and fellow ministers.  It was one year ago that our vision became reoriented and our path began to become clear through the Word, God's leading and lots of prayer together and with others.

Luke was asked in one of his classes to bring in one object that he felt could symbolize his faith journey and write a paper to go with it.  His object was a container of play dough and his paper is below.  It is so hard to believe it was one year ago.

This emblem goes back to a weekend in March which I spent with my wife Christina.  This particular weekend was spent at a ministry retreat, “retreat” being the optimal word.   To say that we were on edge would have been an understatement; raw may better describe us.  We felt spent: emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally.  Our marriage was strained to the point of fracture and it was my job in ministry that was applying the pressure. 

We were attending a Simply Youth Conference in Indianapolis. We had dropped our kids off at my parents and made the long ride up to Indy full of questions for God.  I say questions but we really had only one: How could you?  How could you put such a clear call in our hearts only to set us in contradicting circumstances?  How could you put us in a ministry that would likely cost us our family?  How could you be so indifferent to our prayers?  We weren’t exactly expecting any answers but we were hoping for some. 

The speaker that evening was John Stumbo.   Prior to his speaking there was a brief worship set.  The lights were turned down, the amplifiers were turned up and worship band led us into the state of reflection and prayer.  During this time the moderator asked us to look under our seats where we found small

containers of play dough.  He asked us to mold an image of what we felt God was doing in our lives: cheesy.  Christina’s chair didn’t have one (which was okay because she was in no mood to play with play dough).  I formed mine into a little boat with a rudder and without a means to steer.  Any pre-schooler would be wildly impressed.  I concocted some story about how God wants me to trust him to steer my life.  I was pretty proud of my little art project until Christina, not paying attention, brought her hand down on top of it and flattened it.  “Hey”, I protested, “you smashed God’s word in my life.” 

“It doesn’t matter”, she returned somewhat caustically.  “That’s what He’s doing to my life; He’s smashing it”.  At that moment the lights dimmed and the speaker took the platform. 

Stumbo is a tall, thin man with a finely delineated goatee and hoarse, raspy voice.  He shared his testimony.  While pastoring a large and successful church in Washington state, he had become ill.  Actually, for no known reason his body decided to reject his muscles, all of them.  His muscles liquefied and over the course of three weeks were expelled from his body through his urine.  When the ordeal was over he wasn’t even capable of swallowing food.  He had been reduced from the physique of an ultra-marathoner at the top of his game to a gaunt and helpless paraplegic. 

The doctors could offer no explanation and very little hope.  Once stabilized, he began a program of physical therapy.  Over the course of the next two years he went from sitting up to moving his arms and finally beginning to speak.  Eventually, beyond the doctor’s hopes, Stumbo made a full and miraculous recovery.  During his ordeal he said that he would often ask God why he had put him and his family through so much pain.  He questioned “Where are you in this?”  One night God answered him in a dream. 

Stumbo watched as piece of clay was molded into a pot on a potter’s wheel.  He was asked if he understood what this vision meant.  Being familiar with his Bible we replied that he understood that God was molding his life into a beautiful vessel.  Then the two hands smashed it.  “It’s a do-over John.  I’m making your life a do-over”.  My mouth dropped as I remembered my own clay and Christina’s words. My eyes shot to her to see if she had caught the same meaning.  It was clear that she had, her hands covered her face as she wept. 

This boat reminds me that my call to ministry does not belong to me.  It is God’s call, God’s ministry, and God will develop it according to His will.  We have been given a do-over.  Three weeks later I was offered a full scholarship to study at Asbury Theological Seminary.  We were offered a family unit in Kalas village and our house sold 30 days before we were scheduled to move in.  In all this, God has demonstrated that He will fulfill our callings, according to his purposes, in his way, and time.

Caleb (and Naomi's) indoor snowman

And one year later, we remain convinced.  A beautiful do over.  An amazing work of God.  Our own little miracle to look back on and see God's providential hand in our lives.  He used the voices of strangers, family and friends to confirm His leading and we are so glad that we followed.  One year ago we had no idea that this morning Luke would be heading out to Solomon's to meet with a student from the University and just share about God and in his second semester of MDiv study. That I would be heading into the ATS childcare area to teach kids about the love of our God and starting a Master's of Arts in Ministry program.  That our girls would be home (from another snow day) surrounded with new friends and loving adults in a fabulous community.  That Caleb would be building snowman in a bathroom in a house in Kalas.

We had no idea.  But God did.  One year ago.