The Lighter Side of Black Friday

This year, maybe more than any other year, I have heard a lot of negativity and complaining about Black Friday.  Lots of comments of materialism and idolatry.  Memes about there only being “one Black Friday with eternal savings.”  Facebook statuses about how crazy people are to fight over things and how evil stores are for opening on Thanksgiving night.

And while I might agree that it stinks that stores open on Thanksgiving (no, I didn’t shop on Thursday) and there is a certain level of excess greed and overt materialism on Black Friday, I remain unconvinced that lashing out against “the machine” is the best use of our time and our words.  Let me tell you about Black Friday from my perspective.

As soon as I was able to drive, my sister and I made our first trek out into the madness.  After our Thanksgiving feast, we scoured the ads with markers and notebooks, planned out our route and strategy and set our alarms for some crazy hour of the morning.  Waking up in the dark, heading out on our own gave a certain sense of excitement and independence that we had not experienced until that time.  We got to the mall before stores opened and were treated to hot chocolate and donuts as we waited.  We never witnessed a fight, a screaming match, foul language, and greedy, pushing people.  On the contrary, we experienced laughter, cooperation, excitement, and holiday joy.  When doors opened, yes, we all rushed in, laughing and scrambling to our desired sale.  I saw men standing at displays and handing vacuum after vacuum to waiting old women and tired moms.  I saw women graciously helping one another find the right color scarf or the jeans that are the right size. 

My sister and I on our last Black Friday foray - 2011 

After shopping until we just about dropped, my sister and I always went to McDonalds and split a #2 (two cheeseburgers, large fry, and soda) before heading to the mall for a Christmas matinee and purchase of wrapping materials.  Heading home in the dark, gawking at the newly-lit Christmas lights and listening to new Christmas cds, we spent the evening wrapping presents, eating Thanksgiving leftovers and laughing… a lot.  Black Friday for us was NOT about the stuff.  It was about each other.  The memories, the time, the joy of being together.

This year, I didn’t rush out the door in the wee hours of the morning (it was 7 am) and I didn’t go with my sister (I went with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law) and I didn’t eat McDonald’s cheeseburger (it was a McMuffin) and I didn’t come back and wrap presents (I put them in a black trash bag and hid them in the back of my van).  BUT, I tell you what else I didn’t see – I didn’t see angry, greedy mobs and I didn’t see pushing, shoving people and I didn’t see nasty, cruel materialists.

I DID see a lot of laughter and friendliness and friends hanging out together and families spending time together and excitement and anticipation and just plain old happy times.  For myself, I had fun finding bargains with my family and sharing delicious coffee and smiling at strangers humming Christmas carols and whistling holiday tunes.

Perspective is important.  I’m not saying that all those bad things people complained about all over facebook didn’t happen.  I’m sure they did somewhere and I’m sure that is the story that will end up on the evening news and all over facebook top trending hashtags.  But I’m willing to bet that there were a great deal more happy times that aren’t newsworthy that happened across America today.  Things that were a lot more grounded in friendship, love, and togetherness than in materialism and greed. 

And here’s the thing.  Maybe on Black Friday it’s more pronounced but the reality is all year long we live in a materialistic society.   Every single day of the year, we have more STUFF than we could ever need.  And that’s just how it is right now.  To judge by just one day is a basically flawed logic.  It would be more realistic to address the situation as a whole.  So do we just never shop?  Never give gifts?  Never allow for moments of buying, spending, and giving?  For most of us the answer is, of course, we will do those things.  But what is our heart in them?

I didn’t go out today with a heart to get as much STUFF as possible to fill some kind of void in my life.  I had a list and a budget.  I went to get some Christmas gifts that would bless my husband and bless my kids (and bless my wallet at the same time).  I went to spend some time with my family, to share in the excitement of the holiday season, and to just have a good time.  And I did.  And so did a lot of others.  And that’s not newsworthy or sensational but that is Black Friday to me.

A heart of greed.  A heart of judgment.  That’s what makes any Friday black.  Regardless of whether you buy anything that day or not.

Refocus

Every have one of "those" days?  Of course you do.  We all do.  Well, yesterday.... yesterday was one of those days.  One of the days where the morning starts out on the wrong foot and from that point, recovery seems impossible.  Yesterday, I wrote this:

 My daughter (Hannah) made Honors Chorus (yay) and today is their big day. THIS MORNING WAS A DISASTER! 

She didn't lay out any of the things I told her to the night before. When I saw her outfit she was wearing a fancy red shirt that was way too small, black pants that were too small and blue tennis shoes. I told her there was no way she was leaving the house like that and to go change into her nicer shoes and clothes that fit. That led to a bout of crying about how she can't find her shoes, she lost the belt to the other pants, and oh, she couldn't have her lunch in a regular lunch box (it had to be a paper bag) and her water bottle had to be something she could throw away (not the water bottle I had ready for her) and we needed to be at the school at by 7:45 not 8 am like I'd been told and her coat was missing and... you get the picture. 

With no time to spare, we threw on a another shirt (that at least matched the tennis shoes), dumped her lunch into Walmart bag, gave her one of my old coats (which was way too big but whatever), poured the water into used empty water bottles (don't judge.. I am ashamed), ran to the car and drove at speeds above the limits as I lectured her on why its important to keep her room clean and obey me so mornings like this don't happen, etc, etc, etc. 

We got to the school, tore out of the car, raced inside to find her teacher and then... for the first time that morning I really looked at my daughter. Lord forgive me (yes, I am crying right now). I saw before me a scared, nervous, fearful baby girl fifth grader about to leave me for the first time on an all day trip hours from our house to sing with 100 strangers for thousands more strangers (and she's trying out for a solo) and as she walked away with her teacher looking back at me, my heart broke. 

Why, oh why, didn't I pray with her on the ride to school? Why didn't I tell her how proud I was and how much I loved her and that everything was going to be all right? Why didn't I hug her close and bless her like I do EVERY OTHER morning? Why didn't I really see her until it was too late? 

I sit her in my office at work, tears streaming down my face. My mommy heart is breaking. Oh, I know she'll be fine. She's amazing. She's gonna rock. And I know I'll see her tonight, and I'll hold her and tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her and how I know I messed up. And I know we will both learn from this experience. But for this moment, all I can see is her big brown eyes, filled with trepidation and fear, screaming, "Mommy, don't leave me! I need you!" and I walked away. And my heart is screaming, "What did you do? What did you do?"

So, have you ever had one of those days?  I felt like a total failure at mommyhood.  And a family minister at a church?  Forget about it.  I cried through the morning.  I prayed through the day.  I waited for 8:30 pm when the concert would be over and I could wrap my arms around my precious child and say, "I'm so sorry!"  Imagine my relief when the young woman that met me that night was anything but sad.  In fact, she was downright giddy.

She'd had a great day.  She was nervous yes, but she faced it and had fun.  She hung out with old friends and made some new friends.  She sang with 200 other kids from all over Kentucky and she beamed from the top row in her too short pants and her blue tennis shoes wearing the hot pink tee-shirt she'd been given by the school (she hates pink).    When I finally got a word in edgewise to say, "Hey, I'm sorry about this morning.  I messed up.  I should have prayed with you,"  her response was, "No, you were right.  I should have obeyed you and cleaned my room."  Um, what?  Parenting win?  Lord, I'm confused.

And He said, "Do you truly think that your failure would keep me from doing My work in your daughter's life or that her lack of obedience to you would keep me from doing My work in yours?  You both have room to grow and I will use you both to do My work.  Trust me.  I'm bigger than your mistakes.  Let Me do My thing in the middle of your mess because my best work comes in the form of redemption."

So, it is with that heart, I announce that I am starting a new blog.  It will not replace this one as it will have an entirely different purpose.  As you know, if you've read this blog for any time at all, I have a genuine heart and I believe, call from God to serve in encouraging family ministry and discipleship in the home.  Over the past few years, I've watched the area of family ministry grow in popularity as studies have bolstered the need for the home to be the primary place of discipleship.  I have also seen fellow ministers and churches attempt to start family ministry and have it seemingly "not work" in their environment.


Because I firmly believe that the ideas that fuel family ministry are ordained by God, I also believe that family ministry not only can but absolutely should "work" in any church.  It is my hope that this new blog at www.refocusministry.org will provide a place of support, equipping, resources and encouragement for churches who are embarking on the transitional journey from traditional age-segregated ministry to intergenerational family ministry.  All those family ministry posts you've seen here?  Finally going to have an outlet there.  And I go into this knowing I will make mistakes.  I will fail at times.  But I am also learning that my God is bigger than my failures.  And my prayer is that He will use this blog/ministry as a place for others to come, to rest, to find hope and to keep moving forward in their own faith journey with Jesus.

I guess in a way this is my formal announcement that the new blog is up and running but it is also a request that you check it out, send me your feedback, let me know what you are looking for as ministers, parents, and friends and help me craft a website that is truly useful to others in God's kingdom.

As for Miss Hannah.. she will be doing some bedroom cleaning today and as for me... I will be praying her through it.  Blessings to you as you fail, and grow, and follow a God who will always be BIGGER.

Like a Child

Wings.  A mermaid tail.  Cheetah legs.
If you've seen the video going around facebook right now where people are asked a simple question, you know that these are some of the answers.  If you've not seen the video, here's the link http://aplus.com/a/jubilee-project-comfortbale-one-question and if you don't plan to, here's what happens.

A group of adults and kids are asked a simple question: What would you change about your body?  The adults gave the answers I expected.  They shared things they didn't like about themselves. Stretch marks, big ears, foreheads and of course, I was naming my own things off in my head.  Then the kids had a turn.  Unlike the adults, they didn't see anything wrong with the bodies they had, but they could think of some pretty cool add-ons like "cheetah legs so I can run really fast" and "wings so I can fly" and of course, "a mermaid tail."

Of course the moral of the video was that we adults need to stop judging our bodies so harshly and being so critical and see our potential for more.  But after I watched the video and scrolled away, I couldn't stop thinking about it.  All I kept thinking was, "When?"  When does it happen?  At what age to we stop believing that our bodies are amazing and capable of wonderful things and start seeing our flaws and critiquing our imperfections.

You see, I have two beautiful girls and one adorable son.  And one of them is starting to cross that line and ask questions about her perceived flaws.  She's begun playing the comparison game.  She has begun to see the world's definition of beauty and she has started to measure herself by that ruler.

Caleb on the other hand told me today he can fly.

Okay, going to switch directions now.  Stay with me, it will make sense in a minute

Once when Jesus was speaking to his disciples, he told them that the kingdom of God belongs to such as these and pointed to a child.  He said that unless they had faith like a child, they wouldn't enter the kingdom of God.

What is it about kids that would make Him say that?  Maybe it is their uncanny ability to believe; to see beyond reality to possibility.  To look beyond flaws to miracles.  To focus past the limitations to the realm of expectations.  And it's not fake.  It's genuine.  It's real.  It's faith.  It's the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.

That video reminded me of the precious part of childhood. The flaws are still invisible, but they won't be for long.  How can we preserve that in our faith?  How can that translate into our churches and our homes?  Maybe just maybe, we have got to stop focusing on all our flaws.  Things like not my gift, not my calling, not good enough.  Or the flaws in our churches like not enough money, not enough space, not enough volunteers.  Or maybe in others like not holy enough, not mature enough, not loving enough.

Maybe having faith like a child is believing that sharing the truth of the gospel still changes lives.  That the Word of God is still living and active.  That the church is still the hands and feet of Christ.  Faith that sees past this natural world to a world that our minds can only begin to imagine.

That same daughter who is starting to compare herself with the world in terms of her physical beauty is also starting to measure her spirit too.  Around her she starting to see that it's not "cool" to be a Christian.  The values she holds are starting to look like "big ears" and "stretch marks" in comparison to the values portrayed in the media.  She's starting to understand that what she believes will make her stand out and how she lives her life could get her funny looks down the road.

As her mom, I want to scream to her, "Don't listen to them!  You were made for more.  Your spirit can fly.  You are beautiful!"  And I realize... the loudest voice she can hear is the one I live in front of her.  I need to have faith like a child for her.  I need to live a life that doesn't listen to the lies myself and believes that my spirit can soar on wings like eagles.  I need to be that place that she can look to and no matter what the world says, show her that her childlike faith was always right and she can dream big with God.

But it's bigger than just me and her.  There's an entire generation of kids that right now know that
God can make a blind man see, let a crippled man walk, loves us more than life itself and will do anything to be our friend.  And it is up to us Church, to show to them loudly that is true!  We have to stop telling them all our flaws and start showing them we believe and we live like we do.  We do things like pray with them, serve with them, worship with them, and love others recklessly with them.  Because if we don't give them something to measure life by, the world most certainly will.  We can't change the messages they will get from them but we can most certainly make sure ours comes through loud and clear.

Walk by faith.  Not by sight.  And fly.