Time on My Side

I have not seen my girls since last Saturday evening around 6:30 pm.  This is the first time since they were born that I have been away from them for this long.  Luke's wonderful parents with some help from his sister invited the girls to stay with them in Indiana for a whole week where I am pretty sure they got thoroughly spoiled (as all good grandparents do) and enjoyed absolutely every minute.  Coming home will be the biggest downer of their summer I'm afraid.

More than a few people asked me, with looks of compassion and understanding, if I missed the girls.   Because I felt like a heel if I answered honestly, I usually said, "Yes" and smiled sweetly as if I were in some sort of emotional angst about being apart from them for this time.  But... I have to tell you something.... I lied.  If I were honest, the truth is I didn't really miss them all that much.  That's not to say I don't love them or that I am not excited to welcome them back home.  But miss them?  No, I really didn't.  I knew that they were being loved and cared for.  I knew that they were safe and happy.  And I knew that they were old enough to handle being away from us and mature enough to take care of themselves without mommy and daddy hovering.  That's not to say I'm not gonna smother them in kisses and squeeze them silly when they get home today, but I realize they've reached a point in their life where more and more they will be independent of me and come into their own person.  Let's face it, Hannah is only 7 years away from being considered an adult by the government of the United States and only 5 years away from operating a moving vehicle.

When I finally did express these honest feelings to a friend, the familiar comment was made along the lines of "Ahh, they grow up so fast."  I nodded my head in agreement at first but as I pondered that thought over the next few days, I gave pause.  Because the truth is, no, they aren't not growing up so fast.  There are still 24 hours in every day, 7 days in every week, and 52 weeks in a year.  While my perception of time may be changing, time itself is not moving faster or careening forward at a blinding pace.  While it is true that my girls are growing up, they are growing up at the same pace every man, woman, and child has since the beginning of time.

My wonderful kiddos

So why is it that we hear this statement or some variation of it so often?  Why do veteran parents warn us that it will be over so quickly?  Why do we look at our babies and say, "Oh please stop growing, I want you to stay my baby?"  Why do we look at pictures and think, "Wow, how have them grown so much?  Where has the time gone?"  And I am queen of this mantra, especially with Caleb, my baby, who still sports his baby curls because I refuse to cut them off.

As I've given much thought to this over the past few days, I can't help but come to this conclusion: We were made for more.  The emotional tug of our heart that shakes our head at the swift passage of time is out of sync with our very being, who being created in the image of God, has its heart and soul rooted in the realm of eternity.  Time constraints to not exists in God's dimension.  He who has been, is now, and forever will be does not measure life, even our lives, in hours, days, and weeks.  "He has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." (Ecc 3:11)

It's not that time is going quickly.  It's that our time here is just a blip on the screen of time.  Eternity, neverending time, is so gigantic and so immense our heads cannot wrap themselves around it but our hearts cannot detach themselves from it.  And so we look at our time here on earth and we lament the passage of time because we cannot understand the full scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Now listen people, I am not a theology major and I have no idea if this whole idea of eternity and why time goes fast fits into some category of theological thought or exegesis; I'm just sharing what I think about why we feel the way we do so often.  Moreso, I'm curious as to how that should affect how we live, how we approach life and prioritize and value the people and possessions therein.  More specifically, how do I as a parent recognize the march of time without grieving its passage in my children's lives and fearing the swiftness it seems to manifest?

Holding my hand one more time

My uneducated conclusion: Live in each moment.  Truly live into each special time.  Caleb is 3.  He still snuggles after nap.  He still kisses me on the lips.  He still holds my hand when we go for walks and lets me keep those adorable ringlets around his face.  And it is so tempting for me in those moments to think, "He's not going to do these things soon.  He's going to grow up and be an awkward preteen with abnormally long appendages and smelly body parts and then he's going to get all buff and handsome and some girl is going to TAKE HIM AWAY from me and he is going to hold her hand and kiss her lips and snuggle with her and I hate her already and I just want him to stop growing and stay with me like this forever!!!"  And while I am thinking those thoughts, I am wasting the precious moments I have with him now because I have become the victim of time instead of a participator in eternity.

And let's be realistic. He will also learn how to use the toilet instead of a diaper at night.  He will learn how to voice his desires instead of using various forms of whining and screeching to express his thoughts.  He will figure out how to eat a popsicle without half of it depositing on his shirt or the sidewalk.  Just like my girls, he will grow in confidence and instead of being sad when I leave the house for a few hours, he will be able to leave me and go spend a week with Grandma and Granddad.  And that is all good, and normal, and fine.  

I am learning to rejoice in the moment.  It truly is all we have.  The past is done.  The memories are made. The future is uncharted.  The possibilities endless.  What we have is today.  And we are not alone.  The One who set eternity in our hearts is walking with us.  The One who sees the past and knows the future is living in this moment with us now.  So yes, take the time to enjoy those snuggles and recognize that this moment will pass probably faster than your eternal soul desires it to, but also know, it isn't too fast, it's God's perfect timing and eternity will amaze us with its longevity.

When the girls get home today, they will regal me with stories of all they've done and show me all the cool things they made with Grandma and Aunt Jennifer and complain that I make them go to bed a normal time and do chores and stuff, and I will do my best to live in that moment.  They are growing up, as they should be, and I am blessed by God to be a part of that process.  Go hug your kids, not with regret that the future is looming, but with joy that in the present you are there.