Why I Do Dishes Every Night

Last night at 11:30 pm, I was doing dishes.  For one thing, I had some delicious Starbucks coffee in the afternoon whose aftereffects lasted long past my normal jolt.  Second, I was waiting for a storm to roll in so I could see some great lightning (I've been doing this since we moved here and have yet to see a good thunder-boomer).  But, probably the thing that most had me up doing dishes in the middle of the night was my mom.

Years ago, I had the privilege of leading the ladies Bible study group at my church, a group where I was considerably younger than many I was leading and one that my mom happened to participate in.  During one of the times of study, we came upon the verse in Titus 2:3,4 where the "older" women are encouraged to teach the "younger" women.  So I asked the "older" women of the group to think about a few things that they wish they had known at our age (unmarried, newly-married, new parents, twenty-somethings) that would have helped them live a fuller, more blessed life.

My Mom and Dad

I will never forget that Bible study night.  Some of the best advice I have ever received came in that moment.  I learned to laugh in every moment and find the joy in each stage of life.  I learned to accept who I am and not spend time wishing I was more beautiful, thinner, or more attractive before I lived life.  I learned that time with my kids would move faster than I expect and to treasure each new phase of growth and all the pains and joys that go with it.  But what I will never, ever forget is the advice my mom shared that day.

She started by saying she wanted to share one spiritual principle and one practical principle that she guaranteed would make our lives better as we grew as wives and mothers.  She started with the practical one, probably because, knowing my mom, she felt more comfortable with the practical and less so with the surreal.  

"Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink," she said, "There is nothing more defeating than to wake up in the morning and see a pile of dirty dishes in your sink and on your counters and having to face that mess when you wake up.  And nothing feels as good as waking up to a clean kitchen and an empty sink and knowing the day can start without chores.  No matter how late it is, make yourself clean those dishes before you go to bed and your days will be brighter and better right from the start."

It's so funny to me how those words have echoed through my mind on nearly a daily

Mom (Grammie) and my girls

basis.  Each night, as part of my routine, I walk to my kitchen, clean up all the dishes, load up the dishwasher and start it, and wipe down all the counters, stovetop, microwave, and sink.  But during that time,  when I am silent and moving through what has now become a habitual motion for me, I ALWAYS, and I mean, ALWAYS think about the second part of what she shared.

"Don't have wasted thoughts," she shared. "Don't spend your times of quiet rehashing conversations, going over what you would have or should have said.  Don't waste your moments deciding what you might say or do in the future if you see someone or do something to make your point or win your fight.  Don't waste your thoughts on these things.  They are empty and hollow and they will only fill your heart with despair and bitterness.  Use your thoughts instead to think of good things as it says in Philippians 'whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.' Don't have wasted thoughts."

I'm not sure Mom knows just how formational those words were to me.  Because I do that.  I waste thoughts.  I think, "If I'd only said that..." or "I'll show him next time."  And it does nothing for my spirit but tear me down and break my heart.  But, because of Mom, I've learned how to recognize those wasted moments and by God's grace, use them as times of prayer and growth rather than despair and death.  My best prayer times, my very best times of intercession and worship, have happened when I was doing dishes.  I have stopped many times and fallen to my knees in the kitchen to pray for those I love, to weep while I worship Christ, or to just pray for my selfish heart.  As habitual as dishes at night have become, so have my times of prayer.  Some days, it's a short time, just a few bowls to put in the dishwasher and a few crumbs on the counter.  Some days, it's lasagna pans to scrub and stubborn microwave splatters to wipe up.  On those days, the prayers are longer, the worship deeper, and the thoughts more utilized.

For Mother's Day, I could think of no better way to honor my mother than to share with all of you the wisdom she shared with me.  I have shared this same advice with my daughters.  I have shared it with many friends.  And now I share it with you praying that the same blessing I have been bestowed with can be passed to you and the freedom found in not wasting our thoughts will lead more of us to God's throne each day.

I bet you'll never guess where I got the idea for this blog.  Last night, doing dishes, praying for my Mom.  Mom, I love you.  You have given me treasures far deeper than words can say.  You have lived love.  You have loved life.  Your children rise and call you blessed, your husband also and he praises you saying, "Many women have done well, but you exceed them all."  Happy Mother's Day!!

Me and my Mom  (and our Bombay photobomber)